The Curious Case of Johnny D

MidJourney: Marshall’s Beach (2023)

Johnny D wasn't merely a young San Francisco nudist; he was a devout exhibitionist.

Every Sunday, post-church, Johnny D geared up, zoomed up Van Ness on his black Triumph Bonneville T120, a purchase made solely for trips to the nude beach. Once there, he'd shed the leather to relish the views of the Golden Gate Bridge and the unique patterns in the sand like the golden hues of honey, marked by tiny circular dimples left from the currents. Paradise! Each season ushers in a cycle of endings and beginnings, and in San Francisco, every season introduces something new to the scene like waves ordering chaos.

“Another saggy bunch,” said Janus.

Janus, a close friend of Johnny, often teased him about the regulars at the beach. But today, she noticed something different about him. His usual jovial demeanor was replaced by a distant, contemplative look.

MidJourney: Janus Resting (2023)

“I’m at a crossroads and see that the path to the left leads to hell, that the path to the right leads to hell, that the road straight ahead leads to hell and that if you try to turn around you’ll end up in complete and utter hell,” said Johnny. “Every way leads to hell and there’s no way out, nothing left for me to do.”

“Lure them in with the dirty bits and then serve them a dose of divine wisdom," quipped Janus. “Maybe once you’re ready, you’ll start to discover inside yourself what you always longed for but were never able to find?”

“And if I’m not ready?”

“If you’re not ready you’ll only come to this point when you die. And that won’t be a pretty sight because you’ll still be wanting what you’re no longer able to have.”

“Oh, sounds like a classic Peter Kingsley line, just condensed from a thousand pages!”

—

Johnny D’s Fantastical Dream!

Johnny D wasn’t one to prowl the night; he was more the sleeping beauty type. Typically, around 3am, a peculiar energy would descend, offering him an astral cleanse. It either felt like he was being put through a spiritual furnace or getting a celestial detox. Honestly, he didn’t know. But tonight? He was off to a different kind of dreamland.

He found himself in a vast, ethereal library, where books float and the air shimmers with golden light. At the center stands a woman of unparalleled beauty, her presence radiating divine light and grace. Was he in outer or inner space? Grrr, those damn space aliens, again!

“Is that... could it be... Taylor Swift in a glittering diamond bikini? I’ve always fancied a dream about Taylor in such attire,” Johnny mused, lost in his reverie. “Or are you some kind of daemon?”

He pondered...

She’s the kind of hot that makes you forget you’re playing with fire... until you get burned. And then you want to get burned again and again.

She’s the kind of date you brag about to your friends, but leave out the part where you die and had to Google ‘how to survive a heavenly ride’.

She’s like that beautiful puzzle you can’t resist, even though half the pieces are missing.

They lay there, partially undressed amidst a sea of books, yearning for a connection deeper than the physical. Their lips met, their bodies explored each other, but it was their souls that truly intertwined. They lost themselves in the moment, and Johnny, overwhelmed by the intensity of the energy, found himself drawn in twice in quick succession.

—

“When I woke up, I had a quick look at my boxers, and yep, it wasn’t just a dream,” Johnny shared with Janus. “I promptly upped my contribution to Saint Luke’s, crediting the Holy Spirit. I mean, only Lady Wisdom has ever had that effect on me. Not even my own hand!”

“What do you reckon that mysterious dream signifies?” Janus queried Johnny.

“Gazing towards the beach, I see the waves, the sand, the vast expanse of the ocean, things lost in time - everything in constant motion, ascending, descending. Everywhere I look, it feels like ordered chaos. I’m awake now, yet I can’t grasp what’s unfolding within me. These forces are pulling me in a single direction towards God - the Good - and I fear the end might be near. It could be from lupus hitting the nervous system or perhaps severe arthritis; I can feel the onset like the ocean pulverizing the shore or spirit radiating flesh. Maybe into another wave as a unified whole?”

“So you’re out here preaching about meditation and goodness, hoping for more casualties?” Janus inquired.

“It’s better than hell.”

Johnny D’s Duet

“I knew you’d come again,” Lady Wisdom remarked. Johnny D was still trying to discern the reality of what was happening to him; was she a daemon, something within him, Taylor Swift in a diamond bikini, or something even more enigmatic? “This chamber has always been a favorite of mine. And I see you’ve brought your legendary lyre.”

“Yes,” Johnny responded. "I'm still working on harmonizing the chords."

“You must take that everywhere with you?”

“It seems so, lately.”

“Why have you brought me here?” Johnny questioned. “If we’re spotted, we’ll be…

“…in deep water.” Sophia interjected.

“Yes.”

"How thrilling," Sophia remarked. "Go on, let's see what you've got. Don’t even think about playing a monophony.”

"I'm not sure. I just feel it aids me, somehow."

“No, no, no. You’ve got to choose a harmony. Let’s unite our minds and become possessed together. It’s the difference between being an animal and being Vermeer. The animal has a certain fragment of awareness, but Vermeer is possessed, brimming with beauty and aware of the good that makes him a worthy companion.”

Johnny began caressing the strings of his lyre.

(Timid lyre playing)

(Plays “I’ll be there” by The Jackson Five)

"You and I, must make a pact,” Johnny started. “We must bring salvation back. Where there is love, I’ll be there.”

“And I’ll reach out my hand to you,” Sophia interjected. “I’ll have faith in all you do. Just call my name and I’ll be there.”

—

Johnny D’s Brunch at Brenda’s

Magnus Foul was notorious for his tardiness at Brenda’s, and on the rare occasions he did show up, it was always on his own terms. Today, however, he had a different excuse for his delay. “Got caught up in the latest Call of Duty raid,” he said nonchalantly. “You know, the usual—taking down opponents left and right. And just as I was deep into the game, my girlfriend walked in. There I was, boning out in gym shorts, trying to multitask between killing and, well, convincing her to suck me off.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow, “Did it work?” he inquired, genuinely curious.

“No!” She stormed off, exclaiming, “I’d ask if you missed me, but I’m not a side quest.” This was followed by, “Oh, you didn’t hear me? I’d be jealous, but I’ve seen your high score, and it’s not that impressive.” The door slammed, and her parting shot was, “Remember when we used to hangout in 3D? You’re stuck there.”

“Ouch, that’s harsh,” Johnny laughed. “You know, sometimes the pressures of this world can create rifts between lovers, or even prevent connections from forming. And if it’s not this world, it’s personal distractions and fear. Have you thought about addressing the issue with an open ear and a bit of humility? Perhaps it’s time to give divine matters—”

“Divine matters? Please, it’s all about the numbers,” Foul replied. “Tonight, I’ll swipe right on everyone and chat with the most susceptible—How are things with your magical friend?”

“Describing what’s happening to me is like explaining the taste of fire,” Johnny mused. “I’m tumbling headfirst into love.”

“Into the arms of the invisible?” Magnus quipped.

“Exactly. But here’s the kicker: It’s definitely not Taylor Swift in a diamond bikini serenading me. It’s this electrifying jolt, pure unfiltered euphoria, usually punctual at 3am. It made me come twice. And all I want is to chase it, with every ounce of my being. It’s real—the whole thing is real. I’m grappling with whether it’s an external force or something intrinsic to me. Is it feminine? Masculine? Or perhaps I’m the feminine to its masculine? It feels both external and deeply personal. I’m navigating the maze, trying to make sense of it all with limited answers.”

Magnus smirked, “Maybe it’s not about labeling or defining it. Perhaps it’s about experiencing and embracing the enigma. After all, the most profound things in life often elude simple definitions, don’t they?”

“One thing’s crystal clear: virtue deepens the bond,” said Johnny.

—

("I'll Be There" by The Jackson Five plays)

“Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter,” sang Sophia. “Togetherness is all that matters. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be there to protect you,” Johnny interjected. “With an unselfish love, I’ll respect you. Just call my name, and I’ll be there.”

As the evening began to draw to a close, their voices intertwined in a harmony: “I’ll be there to comfort you. Fill my world with dreams around you, I’m so glad that I found you.”

“I’ll be there with a love that’s strong. I’ll be your strength. I’ll keep holding on.”

As the last note faded away, Sophia mused, “Music is magical, but it isn’t everything. I yearn for an experience outside this realm.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow, “And then?”

Sophia hesitated, “I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint it, but when true love comes my way, I’ll recognize it by the way it feels. You know?”

He nodded, “I do.”

She continued, “For me, it’s about capturing that perfect moment.”

“Yea, refining love to perfection.”